operation have a gay friend backfired
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
