I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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