You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
