He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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