he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
