You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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