OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Randomize
