I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize