i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
