Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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