i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
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I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?