I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
