i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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