Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
