remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
