Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
