Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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