Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I faked an abortion last night.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
