Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
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For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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