home. puking in laundry basket.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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