my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
