Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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