its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
