i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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