my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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