its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
