Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
