I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
