if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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