theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
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Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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