Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
