Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
