Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
