I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
