Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
