is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
