im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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