What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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