I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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