So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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