you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
