well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
