You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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