I think I died a long time ago.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
