Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
