If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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