I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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