why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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