I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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