dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
In America we eat man semen.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
