Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
