A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Never underestimate the power of titties
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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