I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
