he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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