we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
