sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
