There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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