My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
