Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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