i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize