White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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