I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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