Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
