I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
