i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
