take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
