WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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