I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
